“Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking…” and that is about as far as I have written for a speech I have to give on Saturday. It isn’t a very big speech in the grander scheme of things but it is one in front of the RNA and is to say thank you to Katie Fforde for awarding me her bursary last year. So not long but definitely big in feelings and heartfelt thanks. And I am sitting here with my knees knocking.
Now those who know me know I am not frugal with my words. I am a talker. Some might say I love the sound of my own voice. I get paid to be a radio presenter so it isn’t that I can’t adlib and do off the cuff type stuff. But that is different. Stick me in a social situation and I can fake it. Put me in a sound booth and I’m fine. Stick me in front of a crowd where I can see them… not so good.
I have noticed that being a writer these days also comes along with the ability to do seminars and talks and “speechifying”. All quite terrifying thoughts and enough to sometimes give me second thoughts about wanting to be published. I know that Christina has talked abut it before on here and I was trying to figure out where my fear came from, I know I didn’t have it at school. I think it came during a presentation in my first year at University. I was doing a presentation on medical physics to my tutor group. I had done my research (I had scoured the Wellcome section of the Science Museum) and when the day came I put on my best interview outfit and presented.
There were a few things that I should have thought of… one biggie was that everyone else was in jeans and my beautiful Laura Ashley green skirt and jumper made me look like the posh privately educated girl I was. Also I should have done my research a little better… I managed to get something fundamental regarding prions wrong and I probably shouldn’t have argued the point with my tutor. Other than this I look back and realise it was a damn good presentation but I was eighteen and sensitive to criticism, real or imagined. So when my tutor made the comment ‘that some people had brought a lot of their personality to their presentation’ I didn’t see this as a plus point. In fact I thought I had done it wrong. So for the next decade I was paralysed in presentations. I kept my hands locked behind my back because I thought my usual gesticulating was wrong. I kept my voice even and probably monotone. In other words I got stage fright.
Then one of the companies I worked for put me in for presentation training. What a revelation that was! I turned out that all my natural instincts were correct and I had been supressing them for years!
I’d like to say that I have broken free from my bondage but I still stand in front of a crowd and look at them and feel like that eighteen year old. Ill prepared and out of place. I am still wearing that forest green interview outfit and I can’t quite remember what prions do.
So on Saturday please think of me as palms sweating I try and tell everyone how much winning the Katie Fforde Bursary has meant to me… I’ll try not to drone on and I promise that there will be nothing about prions in it.
Please come back on Sunday to find out what Susanna has to say
Good luck with it! As someone who dried up in front of the RNA and wished they could fall into a huge hole in the stage, I feel your pain, but as consolation, everyone was very nice to me afterwards so even if the worst happens, you'll be fine!
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel, but I'm sure you'll be fine on Saturday! I think that worrying about it beforehand is the worst part, once you're there, you somehow get through it. I'm hoping it will get easier with time (I think I can say that since last year, my nerves have settled a teensy bit) and it helps to be in front of a crowd who are all friends as you'll be. I'll be cheering you on!
ReplyDeleteI'll be cheering you on from up here, too, Biddy! And that's so sad that an ill-chosen phrase (which I think is one of your big speaking assets) should have sparked off stage fright in you.
ReplyDeleteYou go ahead and take your personality to your presentation, because we love it and you, and can't wait to hear what you have to say.
I get stage fright over some things and not others, but I haven't figured out why yet! :-)
I'll cheer you on from the crowd, Biddy. You'll be great!
ReplyDeleteI used to be fine with public speaking, and even acting, when I was at school. Seem to have lost the talent lately. I managed to speak at both my grandmothers' funerals, but both times I was reading someone else's words, not my own, which I'm sure would have been much harder. I suppose it's a bit like acting: I have to pretend to be someone who's confident and a good speaker, and then maybe my audience will believe it too!
And if you want to listen to hilariously bad public speaking, listen to my radio interview next week. I mean I can't even talk to people on the phone. It's going to be a huge car crash!
I'll be cheering you on too. You are, and will be, absolutely brilliant.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Cat/Kate...I find it helps to put on a persona of someone who is me, but very slightly more confident.
I'll be cheering you on from here...you'll be wonderful and I'll be sending vibes your way.
ReplyDeletelx
Just think how empowering it will be when you've done it!
ReplyDeleteBest of luck. I know it's daunting but you'll be fine.
Thank you all for your lovely comments.
ReplyDeleteJulie - I like your idea of putting on a persona of someone who is me, but very slightly more confident. Will try not to go for the putting on a persona who is vaguely like me only COMPLETELY FREAKY... that might not be a good thing.
PS...readers, she did a great job. :-)
ReplyDeleteJulie- thanks for the update. had a feeling that she would.
ReplyDeletelx
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